No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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