Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
