fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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