you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
