I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
