I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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