I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
