You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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