You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
