I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
