Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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