Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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