i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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