I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
