He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
