would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
