so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
BRING THE BAGELS
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
