its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
