Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
