i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize