"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize