Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
