I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
