We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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