yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
