I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
