Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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