we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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