FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my shit smells like andre
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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