So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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