Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
