It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
