I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize