dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
high people should be assigned attendants
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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