If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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