I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So much Jack, so little girl.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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