Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
