i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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