You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
