Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
