This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I need a beard to bite.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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