I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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