took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
