If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize