i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
