some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
