Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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