chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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