I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize