i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
