I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
