I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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