piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
