Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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