so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
