Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
