im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
