your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
