I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Its about making memories worth repressing
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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