Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize