lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
