Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
