FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You're like the curious george of whores
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
