My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My feet surprised me
Randomize
