we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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