You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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