I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
