My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
