Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
