What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
