I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
