im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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